The same amount of special

As a Sibling Support Specialist at Friends of Karen, my favorite part of the job is working with all the unique and wonderful families to whom we provide support. Though each is unique and special, at the heart of each family is shared love, fierce and strong, for their precious children. How fortunate we are at Friends of Karen, to witness love, in its many forms each day and how grateful are we that these incredible families welcome us into their homes to help strengthen these bonds in the most difficult of times.

Perhaps, there is no better example of brotherly love than that of Francis (almost 9) and Gabriel, (7). What initially began as a trip to the school nurse, quickly became a frightening time for the family with a lengthy hospital stay and a diagnosis of Lymphoma. The boys’ parents, loving and concerned, connected with Friends of Karen Social Worker, Marla and were referred to Sibling Support.

To enter their home is like being enveloped with a bear hug. The love between Francis, Gabriel, their sister, mother and father is palpable but it is the consideration and respect that the boys show each other and others is something that would make any parent beam with pride. In many ways they are typical brothers; playing video games and hide and seek with walkie talkies. They love baseball, Minecraft and Super Mario Brothers and are always game to make art with the messiest, squishiest of materials. There is also a tenderness to their hearts and an appreciation that they show each other, that whether it is due to their circumstances or innate in their nature, is nevertheless beautiful to behold. As Sibling Support Specialists, it is our job to explain difficult situations and realities to children in a way that makes sense and feels less scary. In this Sibling Spotlight interview Francis and Gabriel excitedly and generously shared their experience below, reflecting what they have learned in sessions with wisdom, clarity and a way with words that come only from the purest of hearts .

What makes your family special?

Francis- They are loving and help me through cancer.

Gabriel- They are really nice!

What has been the hardest part about having a cancer diagnosis in your family?

F- The chemo gave me a bunch of weird side effects. It was hard not being able to go to school. I missed my friends.

G- I don’t get to see Francis a lot when he is at the hospital or doctor. When my dad first told me he was sick and in the hospital, I thought he was pranking me! I looked all over the house to see if he was hiding, when I couldn’t find him I knew it was real. We have to be careful about germs. When I got the flu I had to stay away from Francis in a separate part of the house. I missed him a lot but we wrote notes back and forth to each other. It’s also really hard for me when I feel left out and like he gets more attention.

What or who has helped?

F- My mom helps me by always being by my side. She is always there for me. It also helps for my friends to know what is going on so they can understand how I want to be treated.

G- You! (Siobhan- Sibling Support Specialist) You help me so I don’t feel left out and so I understand feelings and cancer.

What did you feel confused about?

F- The first time I heard the word “cancer” I didn’t know what they were talking about.

G- And then we learned that sometimes things grow in your body that shouldn’t be there. It isn’t anybody’s fault.

F- And I need medicine to make it go away.

What is your favorite thing about your brother?

G- He always helps me out.

F- He’s always my favorite person to play with.

What is your favorite thing to do together?
F- Play games outside. We play Marco Polo in the pool.

G- And it’s much funner when our dad plays too! We also like to play video games together.

What is your favorite activity/project that we’ve done together?

F- When we read the book about the dinosaur who had cancer. I could relate to that.

G- I like when we play with clay. I just made this BBF ring– Best Brothers Forever!

Siobhan (SSS)- I loved when you two put the playmobil hospital together and Francis was able to explain what the hospital was like for him. Gabriel, you listened so well and I think you made Francis feel very loved.

I love my brother because…

G- He always helps me like with a game or homework. He’s always there for me.

F- He helped me through cancer by supporting me, being careful with me and making me happy.

What advice would you give other kids going through a similar situation?

F- It’s going to be hard and it might take a long time to get better. Try your hardest to keep fighting and be brave.

G- Sometimes your sibling needs more attention but remember you are both the same amount of special.