For Siblings From Siblings Archives - Friends of Karen

Best Brothers Forever

admin — Tue, 01 Oct 2024 15:24:11 +0000

The same amount of special

As a Sibling Support Specialist at Friends of Karen, my favorite part of the job is working with all the unique and wonderful families to whom we provide support. Though each is unique and special, at the heart of each family is shared love, fierce and strong, for their precious children. How fortunate we are at Friends of Karen, to witness love, in its many forms each day and how grateful are we that these incredible families welcome us into their homes to help strengthen these bonds in the most difficult of times.

Perhaps, there is no better example of brotherly love than that of Francis (almost 9) and Gabriel, (7). What initially began as a trip to the school nurse, quickly became a frightening time for the family with a lengthy hospital stay and a diagnosis of Lymphoma. The boys’ parents, loving and concerned, connected with Friends of Karen Social Worker, Marla and were referred to Sibling Support.

To enter their home is like being enveloped with a bear hug. The love between Francis, Gabriel, their sister, mother and father is palpable but it is the consideration and respect that the boys show each other and others is something that would make any parent beam with pride. In many ways they are typical brothers; playing video games and hide and seek with walkie talkies. They love baseball, Minecraft and Super Mario Brothers and are always game to make art with the messiest, squishiest of materials. There is also a tenderness to their hearts and an appreciation that they show each other, that whether it is due to their circumstances or innate in their nature, is nevertheless beautiful to behold. As Sibling Support Specialists, it is our job to explain difficult situations and realities to children in a way that makes sense and feels less scary. In this Sibling Spotlight interview Francis and Gabriel excitedly and generously shared their experience below, reflecting what they have learned in sessions with wisdom, clarity and a way with words that come only from the purest of hearts .

What makes your family special?

Francis- They are loving and help me through cancer.

Gabriel- They are really nice!

What has been the hardest part about having a cancer diagnosis in your family?

F- The chemo gave me a bunch of weird side effects. It was hard not being able to go to school. I missed my friends.

G- I don’t get to see Francis a lot when he is at the hospital or doctor. When my dad first told me he was sick and in the hospital, I thought he was pranking me! I looked all over the house to see if he was hiding, when I couldn’t find him I knew it was real. We have to be careful about germs. When I got the flu I had to stay away from Francis in a separate part of the house. I missed him a lot but we wrote notes back and forth to each other. It’s also really hard for me when I feel left out and like he gets more attention.

What or who has helped?

F- My mom helps me by always being by my side. She is always there for me. It also helps for my friends to know what is going on so they can understand how I want to be treated.

G- You! (Siobhan- Sibling Support Specialist) You help me so I don’t feel left out and so I understand feelings and cancer.

What did you feel confused about?

F- The first time I heard the word “cancer” I didn’t know what they were talking about.

G- And then we learned that sometimes things grow in your body that shouldn’t be there. It isn’t anybody’s fault.

F- And I need medicine to make it go away.

What is your favorite thing about your brother?

G- He always helps me out.

F- He’s always my favorite person to play with.

What is your favorite thing to do together?
F- Play games outside. We play Marco Polo in the pool.

G- And it’s much funner when our dad plays too! We also like to play video games together.

What is your favorite activity/project that we’ve done together?

F- When we read the book about the dinosaur who had cancer. I could relate to that.

G- I like when we play with clay. I just made this BBF ring– Best Brothers Forever!

Siobhan (SSS)- I loved when you two put the playmobil hospital together and Francis was able to explain what the hospital was like for him. Gabriel, you listened so well and I think you made Francis feel very loved.

I love my brother because…

G- He always helps me like with a game or homework. He’s always there for me.

F- He helped me through cancer by supporting me, being careful with me and making me happy.

What advice would you give other kids going through a similar situation?

F- It’s going to be hard and it might take a long time to get better. Try your hardest to keep fighting and be brave.

G- Sometimes your sibling needs more attention but remember you are both the same amount of special.

The post Best Brothers Forever appeared first on Friends of Karen.

Sibling Grief Month

admin — Tue, 21 Nov 2023 20:12:21 +0000

“The loss of a brother or sister is not small, unimportant or invisible. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I call sibling loss the ‘loss of a lifetime,’ because who else do we expect to have relationships with that stretch our entire lives?” – Lynn Shattuck

Worldwide Bereaved Siblings Month is an annual designation observed in November.

The death of a sibling is one of the most significant and life changing events that can happen in a child’s life. Yet, often it goes unrecognized and they are the forgotten grievers. As Kady Braswell writes: “There’s no word to describe the loss of a sibling. If you lose a spouse, you’re a widow or widower. If you lose your parents, you’re an orphan. But if you lose a sibling, you just become the girl who lost her brother.” Friends of Karen prides itself on the recognition and support we provide to siblings throughout the trajectory of the illness, that sadly in some cases includes bereavement support.

Just like adults, children are unique and react in their own way. However, there are common reactions during different developmental stages that occur, and ways to help support children during these times.

Unlike adults, children’s brains do not have the capacity to fully process a loss all at once. It is why you will often see a child ask questions and be upset, and then tell you they need to go play. Their play is their “work”, and the way they process and understand. During these “breaks” to play they are processing this loss and the feelings they are experiencing. They often need a lot of repetition, and to ask the same questions over and over. This is all part of the way children process and understand. Art and play are natural modes of communication and expression for children; Friends of Karen Sibling Support Specialists utilize child life techniques, art therapy and bibliotherapy in working with grieving children. Additionally, they weave in commemoration, memory making and rituals that span throughout cultures and religions.

Children also continue to develop and with each developmental stage they process their loss with a new understanding. They re-grieve the loss of their sibling with each stage and you may often see different reactions, emotions, and questions arise during these times, and well as during significant milestones.

Grief is not linear or one- size-fits- all, instead it is deeply personal to each individual and family. The children and families need support and that begins in our staff meeting them where they are at and providing them the space to feel.

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Meet Cameron and Brinley

admin — Mon, 06 Nov 2023 16:29:24 +0000

Brinley, age 9 and her sister Cameron, age 6, met with Friends of Karen Creative Arts Therapist Jane and created “I am” posters. The “I am” posters helped to discuss who they are and if the cancer diagnosed changed any of these things. They agree they are still themselves despite all the changes happening in their lives and but sometimes are more sad, frustrated, tired or lonely. But they are still sisters that love each other a great deal.

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Helping Children Understand Leukemia

admin — Fri, 01 Sep 2023 12:18:00 +0000

Our Sibling Support Program team of four child life specialists and creative arts therapists knows that learning about an illness is different than understanding it.

Often when illnesses are not explained to children in an age-appropriate manner they may fill in the gaps with their imaginations, creating stories that may be even scarier than the reality. To help ill children, siblings and their parents understand how Leukemia affects a child’s body, our Sibling Support Specialists provide an interactive illness education session.

The Sibling Support Specialist begins by explaining that Leukemia is cancer of the blood, and guides in exploring the parts of the blood (red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets inside plasma) using a worksheet Friends of Karen staff created.

After learning how each of these parts function, the child writes about or draws pictures of the cells in action. The Sibling Support Specialists will often use the book Chemo to the Rescue: A Children’s Book about Leukemia by Mary Brent and Caitlin Knutsson, in tandem with the session.

The next step is to create some “healthy blood.” In a small container we use water to represent plasma, the liquid portion of our blood. Then, we add two different colored beads; red (red blood cells that transport oxygen) and white (white blood cells that fight off germs), and a jeweled sticker to hold things together like platelets that help our blood clot.

Then we make a sample of “unhealthy blood” that is the same as the healthy blood but has one major difference – there are Leukemia cells represented with small balls of tissues. Once the tissue balls are in the water they enlarge and take up space.

This represents how Leukemia cells multiply rapidly and minimize the space for the other healthy blood cells to do their job, resulting in side effects like, being tired, bruising easily, and getting sick more often. Friends of Karen Sibling Support Specialists complete the session by explaining how chemotherapy and radiation can help get rid of the Leukemia cells. We will often give children the opportunity to “act like chemo” by removing the tissues/Leukemia from the blood.

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Sibling Spotlight: Brandon the Wonder

admin — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 16:05:45 +0000

A unique aspect of Friends of Karen is our ability to provide critical support through the trajectory of an illness. The Family Support Team of Social Workers and Sibling Support Specialists are constants in a time of chaos and unpredictability. Throughout treatments at different hospitals and clinics, through survivorship and unfortunately in cases of bereavement, Sibling Support Specialists continue to engage families and children as individuals but also part of the greater Friends of Karen community. We believe that grief shared can help lessen the unbearable heaviness and isolation of losing a child. Friends of Karen offers support groups, individual Sibling Support, a yearly memorial service and most recently family bereavement retreats made possible from a generous grant from New York Life.

The feeling of support and connection between the families and staff is deep rooted and families will often look to the Family Support team as a lifeline in challenging times. This month’s very special Sibling Spotlight, Brandon, was only two years old when his older sister Melanie died after a long battle with cancer. As he grew older and began to struggle with big feelings and even bigger questions about his sister, his mother, Edna, reached out to Friends of Karen social worker, Marla, for help. Marla had provided emotional support throughout Melanie’s illness and established an enduring and trusting relationship with the family. Though it was several years after his sister’s death, the challenges were clearly illness related as children tend to regrieve as they reach different developmental milestones. He was beginning to understand the gravity of that time along with experiencing the worry and intensity along with it. Marla collaborated with Sibling Support Specialist, Siobhan, to provide bereavement support for Brandon.

Today, nine year old Brandon is older and wiser yet his infectious enthusiasm, open heart and kindness is what shines above all. He is brave and silly. An animal lover and french fry connoisseur. He seems to understand the strength that lies in vulnerability and appreciates his loving family more than any tween boy would be expected to. To meet his wonderful family, this is all easy to understand. Entering their home is to be enveloped by warmth and to observe love that has endured unimaginable loss yet continues to find joy in living. Melanie’s presence can be felt through the beautiful photos, stories they share and of course, her service dog, Baza who has become a buddy to Brandon. Through his work with Sibling Support, Brandon has begun to weave Melanie’s story into his own with the knowledge that they shared a special bond and love, and always will. Please read below as Brandon shares his story. He is truly a wonder…

Siobhan – Can you tell me about your family?

Brandon – So my family is very caring and loving and sometimes overprotective. They sacrificed a lot for me. They cook for me. It’s my dad, mom, sister Andi and I’ll include her boyfriend Jesse. He sometimes cooks for us. We also have you dogs- Baza and Keva and of course my axolotl.

Siobhan – What are your favorite things that your mom cooks for you?

Brandon – I love my mom’s chicken soup and tacos. She also makes really good spaghetti and meatballs.

Siobhan – How has Friends of Karen helped your family?

Brandon – You helped me through a lot of tough questions about life and my other sister, Mel. Talking helped me understand what happened to her. I believe that she is now in a wonderful place- heaven.

Siobhan– Can you tell me about Mel?

Brandon – Mel was a wonderful sister even though I don’t remember her very well. I used to be afraid to ask my mom questions about Mel because I didn’t want to, you know, make her very sad. (Working with Sibling Support) made it easier to talk with her about Mel and ask questions. It was easier when you were there with me at first. Now I feel comfortable asking on my own. I used to feel guilty for not remembering her. After talking I realized it would be pretty impossible to remember things from when I was a baby! My mom told me that when I was a baby and cried in my bed, Mel would come over even though she couldn’t see anymore and would bounce and rock me and calm me down. She had the magic touch, my mom said.

Siobhan– What are some of your favorite activities that we’ve done together?

Brandon – I love when you read me books. I really liked the feelings/poetry journal that we made. I keep it in my room. I also like the emoji stickers feelings heart.

Siobhan – What are some things Sibling Support helped you with?

Brandon – You helped me ask questions and get answers. Helped with nightmares and expressing my feelings. I still want you to come over and do sessions!

Siobhan – You attended one of Friends of Karen’s bereavement retreats this year. How did it go?

Brandon – It was very wonderful. I loved all the activities. It was good to be with other kids, it made me feel like I wasn’t the only one with a sibling who died. The only thing I would suggest is more food options for lunch. The sandwiches were good but maybe next time have french fries and hot dogs and a salad too.

Siobhan – What advice would you give to other kids in a similar situation as you?

Brandon – Whoever is going through what I went through I hope that you can remember what happened, take deep breaths and think of happy memories.

Siobhan – How do you remember Mel?

Brandon – I think of her when I’m in my bed because she used to rock me to sleep when I was a baby. I make art to remember her. And Baza, Mel’s service dog. She had Baza because she lost her sight. Now Baza looks after me.

Siobhan – Anything else?

Brandon – I like how you guys do races and raise money in the community. This year I went with my mom to the LI marathon.

The post Sibling Spotlight: Brandon the Wonder appeared first on Friends of Karen.

A SIBLING STORY: Finding A Way Through Grief

admin — Thu, 15 Jun 2023 17:48:00 +0000

Cooper, now seven years old, participated in the Friends of Karen Sibling Support program with creative arts therapist Siobhan. Cooper’s mother Joan shared that Friends of Karen’s ongoing support has been helpful as they grieve the loss of Cooper’s older brother Astor. Astor passed away at age eight after being treated for Childhood Cerebral Adrenoleukodystrophy, a progressive neurodegenerative disorder. The family’s experience with Friends of Karen began when they were paired with social worker Rhonda and received emotional and financial support, as well as practical guidance. They also had end-of-life and bereavement support, including taking part in the parent’s Bereavement Support Group. Below, Siobhan and Cooper discuss the impact of the sibling support he received. Siobhan: What did you worry about when Astor was sick? Cooper: I was worried about him dying.

Siobhan: How did you help him when he was sick? Cooper: I helped my parents bring things to him. I would sometimes hold his hand and that calmed him down. He was scared because he couldn’t see or really hear anymore.

Siobhan: When you think about Astor, what is your favorite time with him that you remember?
Cooper: So many things! Being outside and playing with his dog Iris. I loved going to the park with Astor on his scooter. We would play zombie tag or freeze tag or hide and seek. We also liked doing puzzles together. Me, Astor and Daddy built a two story huge Lego building that took days to build!

Siobhan: What did you like to do best during the Sibling Support sessions?
Cooper: I really liked when we made picture frames and albums to hold memories of Astor. I liked the clay too, but mostly I like spending time with you.

Siobhan: How has talking with me helped when you are sad or feeling other big feelings?
Cooper: Because it’s been a long time I know you, that makes it easier to talk about and the art makes me feel better. You tell me anything I feel is ok.

Siobhan: What else helps?
Cooper: I listen to music that makes me think of him. When I make art I ask you to play “Willow Tree” (“You and me born from the same branch and leaves…./ But when you leave, the world is never what it seems.”) and “See You Again” (“It’s been a long day without you, my friend / And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again”). He loved to eat, and he used to finish my bowls. When I miss him, I like to eat his favorite foods, like salmon with yummy soy sauce, and sushi and pizza.

The post A SIBLING STORY: Finding A Way Through Grief appeared first on Friends of Karen.

Sibling Spotlight: Demario

admin — Tue, 16 May 2023 18:37:00 +0000

In the height of the Covid pandemic, Demario’s then one-year-old brother, Kemario, diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anemia at birth, moved to New York with their mother, Sasha, to find the best treatment she could while Demario, age seven, remained in his home country of Jamaica with his father and extended family. Kemario underwent a bone marrow transplant and suffered repeated complications in its wake. As Sasha sat beside her youngest child throughout his treatment, Demario was unable to see his mother and brother for two years.

Comfortable with new forms of connecting with families, Friends of Karen undertook its first foray into international connections. Demario and Friends of Karen Sibling Support Specialist, Melissa, use WhatsApp to meet virtually. Not everyone expresses themselves best with their words. For those who find it hard to match their words to their feelings, like Demario, we must uncover other ways to help them find their voice.

For Demario, painting has become the window to his thoughts and feelings. Demario reveals his favorite part of his time working together with Sibling Support Specialist, Melissa, “When I meet with her I can paint….and I can talk about anything.”

Demario misses his time with his mother and brother, telling us that he is happiest when his family is all together, “playing games and having fun. When I am with my family, I feel good.” He misses the touch of his little brother, noting that they both know the exact tickle spot to make the other laugh. It’s not hard for Demario to get Kemario to laugh, “Kemario is always smiling.”

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National Siblings Day: April 10, 2023

admin — Mon, 10 Apr 2023 14:33:00 +0000

The more complicated the world seems to become the more excuses we look for to celebrate. Holidays and special days bring meaning, nurture connections and give us something to look forward to and hope for. Of course there are the famous ones filled with spooky costumes, trimmed trees and seder plates, but if you research thoroughly enough, you can find a special day for just about anything; National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day, Global Belly Laugh Day and in case you missed it January 11th was National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day. Our favorite though, falls on April 10th – National Siblings Day- celebrating the very special bond of support, friendship and love shared between siblings. At Friends of Karen the sibling relationship is one especially close to our hearts. The Sibling Support Specialists at Friends of Karen, are dedicated Child Life Specialists and Art Therapists who provide emotional support and illness education to the ill child and their siblings. While working with the Friends of Karen children, we see firsthand the layered, multifaceted connection. We see fierce loyalty and protectiveness. We see the compassion, jealousy, the inside jokes and teasing, the joy and giggles.

We also see how intensely the siblings are affected by the illness of their brother or sister. The diagnosis of a life threatening disease can send shockwaves throughout the family. Despite the very best efforts of their parents, so much focus and attention is paid to the ill children that often the siblings feel ignored, not special, unimportant and unseen. These children endure so much for those so young, yet they are forever inspiring us with their capacity for love.

“When my mom takes my little brother to the hospital, I’m always afraid that he won’t come back.” 9 year old Jinni tells me when I ask what it is like to have a sibling with cancer.
5 year old Emilia shares her princess crowns with her sister so she can still feel pretty even after her hair fell out from the chemo.
6 year old Cooper sings along to his late brother’s favorite song as he imagines he is painting messages to him in the starry sky.
8 year old Rebecca makes sure to drop everything once she walks through the door after school because she knows her little brother is waiting to play Hide and Seek with her.

These are just some of the pearls in a treasure trove of stories belonging to the amazing Friends of Karen siblings. Equal parts heartwarming and bittersweet, what we see in these families is at times hard to imagine and other times looks a lot like ordinary life. Please join us in celebrating the wonderful siblings of Friends of Karen- we honor them for the heavy load they so often carry, for the much needed levity they bring with their silliness and humor and the support and comfort that only they can provide to their brothers and sisters.

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Yasir, Yusra, and Muhammad

admin — Fri, 27 Jan 2023 19:43:03 +0000

When siblings Yasir, Yusra, and Muhammad are in a Sibling Support session or participating in the Friends Having Fun virtual group they exude an immediate jolt of exuberant energy. They bring their vibrant personalities, friendly competition, and passion to whatever they do, whether it is drawing their feelings, discussing their struggles or breaking out their best moves in a freeze dance.

Yasir is eight years old and has Sickle Cell Disease (SCD), a group of disorders that cause red blood cells to become misshapen into a characteristic crescent shape. This condition can cause anemia, pain, fatigue, and infections. Yasir had a bone marrow transplant to treat his condition, and his donor was his older sister Yusra who is 10 years old. His five-year old brother Muhammad also has SCD and is doing well, but currently has no donor match for a transplant. The children participate in Friends of Karen’s Sibling Support Program with Jane, a licensed creative arts therapist.

Jane sat down with Yasir and Yusra to discuss what they enjoy about the Sibling Support Program.

Jane: How has the illness changed your days?

Yusra: Yasir wanted to go to school, but he couldn’t do that or to other activities because he couldn’t be around many people. It was hard for our parents because we don’t have any family around to help whenever Yasir was sick.

Yasir: I was happy not to go to school. I was able to stay home all day and be with Mom, and not do homework.

Jane: How has it been to have your sibling support specialist work with you?

Yasir: Jane and I would meet when my brother and sister were in school. I liked to have my own time with her. We talked about things I was missing, like music and art classes. One day I played my keyboard, and we wrote a song about being home. I liked doing the online group and playing games. It was good to be around other kids.

Yusra: We get to meet and do art together. It was fun to do the activities with Yasir and Muhammad because we could all do it together.

Jane: What things big and small has Friends of Karen done to help you and your family?

Yasir: Jane helps us because we had activities to do.

Yusra: Our family is back home in Nigeria, so Friends of Karen has been like family. They make sure my brothers and I have fun, send us presents and school supplies. We share the gifts, but Muhammad is not very good at that. We share with him, and he doesn’t share with us. But, he’s little and will learn.

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Sibling Spotlight: Ana, Elizabeth, and Ronald

admin — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:21:31 +0000

Our Sibling Support Services encourages social emotional learning by having participants identify and discuss various emotions. Social emotional learning is important for children and adults in order to understand and express ourselves better. This is especially true when a sibling has been diagnosed with an illness. It raises various emotions for all family members. Some emotions that arise include sadness, anger and jealousy. In addition, through the difficult times families experience moments of joy and love. It is also possible to feel several emotions in one moment.

One way we provide social emotional learning is seen in this example from Ana (7 years old), Elizabeth (5 years old) and Ronald (4 years old). We read the book Color Monster by Anna Llenas. The kids each made their own monster that depicted each feeling. They shared how they felt at different times while Elizabeth was ill with Neuroblastoma. Elizabeth was sad when she couldn’t go to school. Ana had feelings of jealousy because her sister received her Mom’s attention. Ronald shared that he was loved when he was with his sisters. The siblings shared that since Elizabeth is not going to the doctors as often, things have been calmer. Providing the vocabulary and the space to talk about feelings is important for the siblings to get along and for parents to understand how their children are managing through this difficult time.

It can be hard to talk about feelings, especially when we feel like we are complaining. But it is important to remember that there are no good or bad emotions. All emotions are important and help us learn about ourselves and our needs. Thank you Ana Sofia, Elizabeth and Ronald for sharing your art monsters and your feelings!

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